What the heck is my cat thinking?

About This Quiz

Cats, unlike dogs, keep their feelings to themselves (unless they're pissed). So, this makes understanding your cat's emotions a little challenging. I mean, other than food, they don't really seem to want very much else. The world of a cat is strictly on their terms - they'll come and sit on your lap when they want to (and usually when you need to pee). And those little bodies are capable of hogging an entire bed - so much that you'll be perched on the edge of the mattress with no covers. Sure, cats are hard work emotionally but they're easier pets to own than dogs that seem to need you every second of the day. But when your cat stares at you, what are they thinking? When they stare at the wall, what are they thinking? When they roll around the floor after catnip, what are they thinking? And that's what this fun quiz is all about - deciphering the mysterious language of cats!

Quiz by Mike Heath Issue with this quiz?

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Your cat is licking their butthole in front of your guests. What on earth are they doing?

They're showing off.

They're just grooming.

They're commenting on the meal you've cooked.

They hate your guests.

SCROLL TO NEXT QUESTION

Hint:

I'm having a shower.

Your cat is purring. Why?

They just like the sound.

They're relaxed.

They're about to kill

They're bored.

Hint:

I'm having a shower.

Your cat just knocked a pot off the table and just watched it fall. Why?

They hate you.

They think you have no taste.

They think the house stinks.

They're just curious.

Hint:

I'm having a shower.

Your cat is twitching their tail. Why?

They're excited and concentrating on something.

They have a tick.

They're trying not to fall over.

They want feeding.

Hint:

I'm having a shower.

Your cat is slowly blinking at you. What the heck is that all about?

They're telling you they love you.

They're just being purposely weird to freak you out.

They have something in their eye.

They're getting ready to eat you.

Hint:

I'm having a shower.

Your cat appears to be going bezerk in another room, bolting around the house. What are they doing?

They're going crazy.

They're terrified.

They want attention.

They're burning off energy.

Hint:

I'm having a shower.

Your cat's ears are twitching. What are they doing?

They feel like someone's talking about them.

They're agitated.

They have fleas.

They're having a spasm.

Hint:

I'm having a shower.

Your cat is lying on their back with their legs in the air. It's OK to pet their stomach, right?

Some cats are OK with this.

There's not a cat in the world who wants their stomach petted.

All cats want you to pet their stomach.

It's an invitation to bite you.

Hint:

I'm having a shower.

Your cat has been staring at you for, like, an hour. What on earth are they doing?

They're waiting for you to sleep so they can pounce.

They want your attention.

They just love to look at you.

They're sparring for a fight.

Hint:

I'm having a shower.

Your cat is lying down with their paws tucked neatly beneath them. Why?

They don't want you to stand on their paws.

They're happy.

They're like the stretch.

They're pretending to be asleep.

Hint:

I'm having a shower.

What is your cat trying to tell you when they rub their head on your legs?

That you've trodden in something unpleasant.

They're saying hi and showing affection.

They're marking their territory.

They have an itchy head.

Hint:

I'm having a shower.

Your cat has gone rigid with their tail stuck out straight and stiff. What's wrong?

They're just stretching. Nothing to worry about.

They're concentrating.

They're angry.

They want food.

Hint:

I'm having a shower.

Your cat is pacing. Why?

They're frustrated.

They just want a little walk.

They feel happy.

They're confused.

Hint:

I'm having a shower.

Your cat is scratching the furniture. Why?

They're giving themselves a little manicure.

They hate your taste in furniture.

They want to go outside.

They're just want to annoy you.

Hint:

I'm having a shower.

My cat walks with its tail in the air. What does this mean?

They're confident.

They have a leaf stuck in their fur.

They just want to show you their butthole.

They about to attack.

Hint:

I'm having a shower.

Your cat's ears are pointed upright. Why?

They've trodden on a piece of Lego.

They're listening to their surroundings.

They're surprised.

They're angry.

Hint:

I'm having a shower.

My cat always orients their body away from me. Why?

They're showing off their beautiful coat.

They're shy or uncertain.

They're just comfortable.

They want food.

Hint:

I'm having a shower.

You're playing with your cat and they lightly bite you. What are they telling you.

Keep going! I'm loving it.

They've had enough.

They're hungry.

They want to sink their teeth into your flesh.

Hint:

I'm having a shower.

Your cat is kneading into your lap or chest. Why????!

They're body shaming you by suggesting you need to lose some weight!

They're just trying to annoy you.

They're trying to wreck your horrible loungewear.

They're trying to encourage you to produce milk!

Hint:

I'm having a shower.

Your cat's eyes are wide open and they're not blinking. Are they malfunctioning?

No. But they're anxious.

Yes. Send them back to the factory.

Yes. They've forgotten how to blink.

`They're just trying to creep you out.

Hint:

I'm having a shower.

Why does your cat always climb on top of the wardrobe?

They like being high up. They feel safe.

They don't want to be close to you.

They really don't want you to touch them.

They want to play.

Hint:

I'm having a shower.

You cat is staring out the window and making a totally weird chattering noise. What are they thinking?

Heck, it's cold out there.

I'm terrified of that potato chip packet drifting in the breeze.

They're excited, perhaps slightly aggravated.

They're just trying to freak you out.

Hint:

I'm having a shower.

Your cat appears to want a staring contest. What shouldn't you do?

Ignore them.

Stare back.

Give them food.

Roll around on the floor with them.

Hint:

I'm having a shower.

Your cat is rolling around on the floor. What's wrong with them.

Nothing. They feel safe around you.

They're having a seizure.

They're laughing at you.

They have something nasty on their fur and trying to rub it off on your carpet.

Hint:

I'm having a shower.

Your cat is licking you. Why?

They want to eat you.

They're looking for something to eat.

They love you.

They think you taste good.

Hint:

I'm having a shower.

Your cat is meowing. What are they doing?

They're just saying hi.

They're trying to learn English.

They're mimicking you.

They want food.

Hint:

I'm having a shower.

You're typing an important email and kitty comes and plonks themselves down on the keyboard. What do they want?

They want to be an asshole.

They want your attention.

They want you to get fired.

They want to screw up your email.

Hint:

I'm having a shower.

Your cat is hissing and spitting. What do they want?

They want feeding.

They want to be left alone.

They're performing a ritual dance.

They need water.

Hint:

I'm having a shower.

You get home and your cat ran off. Why aren't they happy to see you?

They are. You just startled them.

They hate you.

They're pissed that you're back at home and gonna sit in their favorite chair.

They don't like how you smell.

Hint:

I'm having a shower.

Your cat just peed outside of the litter box. What are they telling you?

Can you PLEASE clean the goddam litter tray?

They hate you.

They're being mischievous.

They hate the kitchen tiles.

Hint:

I'm having a shower.

Kitty seems to prefer drinking from a dripping faucet even though you put out clean water for them. Why?

They're being a douchebag.

They prefer running water.

They're trying to freak you out.

They can't stand the sound of dripping.

Hint:

I'm having a shower.

Your cat is wagging its tail at you. What are they telling you?

They're happy.

They want food.

They're listening to you.

They're warning you.

Hint:

I'm having a shower.

Your cat just brought in a slightly mutilated dead bird. What are they telling you?

They're marking you as one of the tribe.

They're actually psychotic. Watch where you fall asleep.

They're hungry.

They want your attention.

Hint:

I'm having a shower.

Your cat's sitting in another room alone. What are they telling you?

They want to be alone.

They're lost.

They're depressed.

They hate you.

Hint:

I'm having a shower.

My cat is sitting in a teeny tiny box. What the heck is wrong with it?

It makes them feel safe and secure.

They're a little cray cray.

They're hoping you take a photo and stick it on the internet for all to see.

They're scared.

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Hint:

I'm having a shower.

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Mike Heath

Mike has an MA in Creative Writing and is a full-time copywriter, yoga teacher, and playwright. His copywriting has taken him to dizzy heights: writing in every conceivable niche from facts about carpet slippers to portents about artificial intelligence and how to overcome plantar fasciitis (look it up) to fabulous home decor. Mike is a UK-based playwright whose work has been performed all around the world (as long as you count the UK and Western Australia). His work is available on Amazon, and you can listen to his podcast where he talks about playwriting with his sarcastic co-presenter. He runs the WriteForTheStage courses and you can follow him on @Write4TheStage (Twitter) and @_mike_heath_ on Instagram.

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What the heck is my cat thinking?

About This Quiz

Your cat is licking their butthole in front of your guests. What on earth are they doing?

Your cat is purring. Why?

Your cat just knocked a pot off the table and just watched it fall. Why?

Your cat is twitching their tail. Why?

Your cat is slowly blinking at you. What the heck is that all about?

Your cat appears to be going bezerk in another room, bolting around the house. What are they doing?

Your cat's ears are twitching. What are they doing?

Your cat is lying on their back with their legs in the air. It's OK to pet their stomach, right?

Your cat has been staring at you for, like, an hour. What on earth are they doing?

Your cat is lying down with their paws tucked neatly beneath them. Why?

What is your cat trying to tell you when they rub their head on your legs?

Your cat has gone rigid with their tail stuck out straight and stiff. What's wrong?

Your cat is pacing. Why?

Your cat is scratching the furniture. Why?

My cat walks with its tail in the air. What does this mean?

Your cat's ears are pointed upright. Why?

My cat always orients their body away from me. Why?

You're playing with your cat and they lightly bite you. What are they telling you.

Your cat is kneading into your lap or chest. Why????!

Your cat's eyes are wide open and they're not blinking. Are they malfunctioning?

Why does your cat always climb on top of the wardrobe?

You cat is staring out the window and making a totally weird chattering noise. What are they thinking?

Your cat appears to want a staring contest. What shouldn't you do?

Your cat is rolling around on the floor. What's wrong with them.

Your cat is licking you. Why?

Your cat is meowing. What are they doing?

You're typing an important email and kitty comes and plonks themselves down on the keyboard. What do they want?

Your cat is hissing and spitting. What do they want?

You get home and your cat ran off. Why aren't they happy to see you?

Your cat just peed outside of the litter box. What are they telling you?

Kitty seems to prefer drinking from a dripping faucet even though you put out clean water for them. Why?

Your cat is wagging its tail at you. What are they telling you?

Your cat just brought in a slightly mutilated dead bird. What are they telling you?

Your cat's sitting in another room alone. What are they telling you?

My cat is sitting in a teeny tiny box. What the heck is wrong with it?

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